March Madness

For the first time, I've introduced Bracketology to my son. To thank me, he proceeded to kick my ass at picking games. Now Carter is no huge college basketball fan, but living in NC, you don't get much choice. They're using basketball to teach math (somehow) - shooting percentages and such.

Anyway, Carter picked 29 out of 32 first round games. His secret is, well, secret. He won't tell me how he did it.

Next year, he's filling out my bracket.

A Bad Southwes Joke

Following up from my earlier post, here is a joke a friend sent me that reaffirms the Southwest flight attendants universally good sense of humor...

A mother and her 5 yr old son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas
City to Chicago.
The son (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and
asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why
don't big planes have baby planes?"
The mother, who couldn't think of an answer, told her son to ask the
stewardess.
So the boy walks to the galley and asks the stewardess, "If big dogs have
baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby
planes?"
The stewardess responded, "Did your mother tell you to ask me?"
The boy said, "Yes, she did....""Well, then, tell your mother that there
are no baby planes because Southwest always pulls out on time. Have your
mother explain that to you."
Mom says,
"Touché "

Kids say the cruelest things

Last week, our son Carter turned 10. We broke down and agreed to take him to his favorite restaurant, Golden Corral. At least it didn't set us back much.

During our lunch, I tried to frame the significance of the day by pointing out that he was now half way to being 20 years old. Car gave that about 10 seconds thought, then replied, "That means Mom is halfway to 90!"

He still needs a good bit of polishing over the next 10 years if he's ever going to get along with the ladies.

Finally this season is over (for us)

I went to Florida State. Normally, this time of year is a time of sorrow, as football season draws to a close. Not this year. This one's been tough.

I sat up alone last night watching (and worrying) to see if we could actually pull off the upset and beat UCLA. Not that I care about UCLA. The trouble was FSU entered the game with a 6-6 record. To lose last night would mean that we had a losing season. I was not prepared to face that. I invited no one over to watch the game with me because I was afraid I would embarrass myself.

Now understand - I'm like most every other middle aged guy. Married, kids, job, all that. I live in North Carolina, 10 hours from Tallahassee. But that win last night (44-27 in case you missed it) meant a lot to me. And to FSU. Florida State has not had a losing season in football since 1976, Bowden's first year. I'm proud to see that the streak will continue, at least until next year.

For me, it gives me some level of relief from my non-football watching wife. She went to University of Florida, playing for the national championship next week. Oh, she'll still give me grief about playing in the Emerald Bowl, on a baseball field, but at least she'll be wrong when she calls us losers. I'll take comfort whenever I can find it.

Enjoy the bowl season.

The Psychology of Southwest Airlines

With the same artificially contrite posture as Peter Cook (Christie Brinkley's apologetic husband), let me start by offering my heartfelt embarrassment for not updating you as to our lives of late. Unfortunately, I am at a stage of ridiculous travel in my project at work, so we don't have much experience together.

While traveling around the country, I've logged an awful (and I mean awful) lot of time in various airports. As you know, I consider myself a pretty smart kid, but I am completely baffled by the behavior of your standard Southwest Airlines passenger.

In case you haven't flown SWA lately, they are probably the largest and most successful of the "small regional" airlines. For reasons that escape me, Southwest doesn't assign seats - rather, you get a ticket with A, B, or C on it and board with the appropriate group. This no doubt came from a cost saving measure 20 years ago, but how much can they still be saving? Anyway, everyone gets a letter. While it would make it more exciting to mix up the order now and again, Southwest then boards the plane in alphabetical order by group.

Here is the puzzling behavior - Almost every person carrying an A Group boarding card feels compelled to stand in line while waiting for the boarding process to begin. For anywhere from 30 to 60 minutes, those blessed with the foresight to check in early (or online) will stand behind and in front of others with the same card.

OK, I can see if you've got 5 friends you'd like to sit near that it might be a good idea to get on first. Barring that, what is going on? As a member of Group A, you are virtually guaranteed a window or an aisle to your liking, along with ample space to store your carry-on. By definition, you're automatically in front of at least half (if not 2/3) of the people on the plane.

What the hell are these people standing in line for?

Again, sorry for my tone, but if you think this is bad, don't ask me about the idiots (on both sides of the relationship) at airport security.

At least today is a good day. After all, it's payday (for me at least). Also, my travels for this week are all in a rental car - no planes, no lines, no people going through the magnetometer seven times taking metal crap out of their pockets, ears, and shoes.

In Search of the Inspirational Grady

My eldest niece Courtney recently had her second child, another boy to join her son Kobey. In addition to this boy's arrival making me an "especially Great Uncle", it brought along some novelty. You see, she and her husband named the lad Grady.

Now for many my age, the face we most commonly associate with this given name belonged to Whitman Mayo, who portrayed the less than gifted friend of Fred Sanford in the old show Sanford & Son. While frighteningly intelligent and well read, I just don't think this is what came to Courtney in selecting the name. Of course, it would be quite simple to ask her the name's origin, but where's the fun in that? Besides, as I've mentioned before, I hate calling anyone unless absolutely necessary.

I begin my quest with a presumption - Grady is named for someone perhaps marginally famous, as opposed to a family name or place (Grady County, GA for example). Also, the Grady in question is Grady Someone, as opposed to Someone Grady. Many of you know that our son Carter was named for a surname, but it's my game. This is probably a built in error, but one I'm willing to accept in that there are far too many of the latter to choose from, and I'm supposed to be doing something else right now.

Off the top of my head, I could pretty much only come up with Grady White, a kind of small boat - probably unlikely. Among the geeks, there's Grady Booch, a legendary software developer and IBM Fellow. Courtney's a lawyer/journalist (really!) and her husband Randy is a tax accountant who's fun to hang out with (really!). I'm not seeing the required worshipping of Grady Booch, but I must admit it's a fun name to say.

Now like most men, Randy is a sports fan, so some possible sources are Grady Jackson (NFL), Grady Little (Dodgers manager), or Grady Sizemore (MLB). They met in New Orleans, so there are musicians Grady Martin (Jazz Guitar) and Grady Tate (Johnny Carson era Tonight Show drummer).

I think it comes down to two frontrunners. First, Grady Patterson, State Treasurer of South Carolina. I know it's a stretch, and I said Randy was fun, but he is a tax accountant. Then again, this comes from a chemist, so it's a pretty weak slam. Otherwise, it's got to be Judge E. Grady Jolly, Circuit Judge on the U.S. Court of Appeals for the 5th Circuit in Jackson, MS. I have no idea what, if any, monumental or brave ruling this man may have made, but this cries out as the obvious conclusion. Courtney has the idealism to make this believable.

I'm having dinner with the new grandma (my sister) tomorrow, so I'll probably ask her, if only to avoid having to call someone.

Welcome to the family Grady. Don't worry about where your name came from. One of my daughters is named partially after a flanker from Syracuse.

On being cheap...

I am, almost to the point of being a pain in the ass, cheap. OK, Sandy will testify that this is not the only contributing factor to my being a pain in the ass. Not by a long shot. That said, some of my frugality was learned from her.

But I'm cheap. Without exaggeration, most of my wardrobe comes from Sams Club, or I got it for free. I wear company logo shirts, or golf shirts from my old neighbor Todd. Todd is the director of golf at a Marriott course in Florida. When Marriott changed the name of his course, he gave me something like 40 shirts. Although he's a size larger than me (very tall), I've done a pretty good job of growing into them (getting wider).

Last weekend, I saw a guy that has to be much worse than me. He was edging his yard with one of those manual edgers our parents had when we were young. How stinking cheap must you be to still be using one of these things? We live in a pretty nice neighborhood, so it's not like this guy can't afford the $20 investment for a small weedeater. Clearly, while frugal, he did not subscribe to my other primary characteristic - sloth.

Anyway, this thought process reminded me of a very funny story I heard the other night. The comedian Ron White (scotch drinker on the Blue Collar comedy tour) told the story of going to buy some new sunglasses. He had lost the pair he'd had for several years. Upon being quoted the price of the pair he had selected, he was stunned. He inquired how the man could sleep at night. He asked, "How is it that a pair of sunglasses cost more than a 27" color television?" The clerk replied that he (Ron) clearly didn't understand - these glasses filter out all harmful UV rays. Ron replied, "No, you don't understand. A television receives a digital signal that has been bounced off a satellite and converts it into moving pictures and sound so I can watch a football game. And it still costs less." A smartass redneck - hmmm, I think I can relate.

For the record, my current sunglasses were found by our son on the people mover at Universal Studios.